Well, here goes. My first blog post ever. Let's make it short and sweet.
It's Boxing Day, 2012 and I've just been reminded of two things:
This blog was set up for BOTH of us to use.
I haven't adhered to point 1.
So, I have decided to write about something that I think is great - my 2012!
Around this time last year, Harriet and I hadn't began dating - in fact, she was dating someone else and I was furiously trying to amend this, no doubt to his chagrin. We both had a great Christmas with our respective families and I was sat somewhere, reviewing my year.
I decided that 2011 was alright, but there were a few things that were missing. I then had the distinct feeling that 2012 was going to be a lot better and felt that it would be a great idea to tell Harriet, for some unknown reason, which would later become apparent. Obviously. (I have just spent the best part of an afternoon trying to find the exact message I sent her, only for Apple to decide I shouldn't bother. Thanks Steve Jobs for the wonderful legacy).
I have done a lot of things in 2012 and here are the main reasons why my pre-christmas premonition in 2011 was correct:
In January, Harriet and I started dating.
In April, we got engaged.
In August, we got married.
Now in December, we're spending our first Christmas together!
This year has been fantastic. I have started my own family (I'm talking about marriage here - not anything else!!), have grown to love the one I already had even more and have had a whole bunch of in-laws to add to the mix as well - I have been richly blessed.
So there's the year in the eyes of Ben McKee. A lot less profound than the prose Harriet writes on here, but my feelings nonetheless.
And what a fantastic year it has been.
Happy Christmas and may 2013 be the best year yet for all of you!
It's me again! I assure you that at some point my husband may have the inclination to start writing on these blogs but until that time, here I am.
This week I have had the opportunity to meet many patients in my psychiatry placement. I have neither the inclination nor the right to discuss these cases in detail but I did come across an interesting syndrome that is often related to mental health problems such as schizophrenia.
Capgras syndrome is called a 'misidentification syndrome' and is the delusional belief held by an individual that a person, who is usually a significant other to them, has been replaced by an imposter who is identical to them but is not them.
In a patient that I met, the person he believed was an imposter was his own mother.
I realise sometimes that there are a lot of things that I should be grateful for that I don't always recognise or acknowledge. Perhaps there is a lot that we all take for granted. I believe identity is one of those things. If we think about the people who lose the ability to correctly identify family members as their nearest and dearest, do we really value this perception in ourselves? Every time we see the faces of our loved ones and can be with them and talk to them it is an incredible gift. Our brain functions in the correct way for us to be able to build and value those beautiful associations in this life. Isn't that a miracle?
Having recently had a 'change of identity' myself I particularly feel acutely aware of the importance of identity. I have always loved introducing myself as Harriet Mace and am now getting more familiar with the idea of introducing myself by my married name.
Why am I so fond of the name I was born with?
For me, being Harriet Mace has provided the stability I needed throughout my young life to really have the opportunity to get to know myself, discover my strengths and weaknesses and be able to come out on the other side as a functioning (still learning) adult. I've loved the connection my name gave me to my parents, my siblings and my grandparents. I always used to say that when I went North I identified myself by my mother's maiden name and anywhere else I would usually find someone who, hearing my surname, would ask about my connection with cousins, uncles or grandparents.
Somehow, it was worth giving all of that up to be Ben's wife. It was worth this identity change to give me a new pattern of stability (perhaps less stable at first!) that we're building together.
Greater than all of this; greater than any name I have here and the key to all of these relationships is the identity I have been given as a daughter of God. Recently we had the semi-annual General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. There were so many things that touched me but I think the thing that impacted most deeply was the courage and strength it gives me to know that I am a daughter of God, that He loves me and will never abandon me. He never has and never will.
Many stories were told about people who had endured tremendous difficulties including quite a few stories of parents who had lost children. Motherhood doesn't seem too far away for me now and I am anticipating one day raising a family in my home (by this we're talking years, not months- don't panic, mother!!). The stories of the faith that the parents of the children in the stories displayed hit me so hard. I ended up wondering how any one can endure these things without knowing that they are a son or daughter of God and that all things will be made right; family relationships will continue throughout the eternities. Because, let's face it, existence doesn't mean much to any of us without those relationships.
Identity is a gift and so are our relationships.
Don't waste a moment!
p.s. This week we've cooked a lot of the same things we cooked last week. Ben has cooked new recipes, identified himself, twice:
Posh Bangers and Mash! - this was simple AND delicious... warning, though... don't put too much gravy browning in!
Creamy chicken and bacon pasta - Again, nice and straightforward but a yummy mid-week meal. Plus, so much tastier when I don't have to make it. (I'd put additional red pepper in to make it more interesting).
Also, I had a very limited time this morning to cook something up for an early lunch before I left. We had lemons, double cream, bacon and chicken that needed eating; plus we're gathering an interesting spice collection. So.....
I rubbed hot chilli powder into the chicken and fried it with the bacon (cut into strips), then mixed a bit of chicken stock, double cream, lemon juice, pepper, cumin and hot chilli powder to create a sauce and VOILA, we had a tasty meal out of nothing.
Don't worry- I'm not having grandiose ideas of opening a restaurant, simply rejoicing over the fact that we're not starving!!!
So... I met this man. He made me laugh and we decided that we should get to know one another. Next thing I know, we're telling each other that we love each other and we're talking about rings. One day, he produces one and tells me that he loves me and wants to spend forever making me happy. It all sounded so very nice.
Next came the whirlwind and the insanity of that should have prepared me. It was my introduction to some of the elements of my new life: Life in the "Institution" of marriage.
We talked flowers, colours... we picked out cute little favour buckets and tried to make my dreams of a thoroughly romantic feel come true. I learned at this time that emotive words appeal immensely to people who are providing a huge variety of services. Try and explain that you want something that's "pink and purple, but not too gaudi" and they will stare at you, completely flummoxed! Use the words "I want pink and purple and a really romantic feel" and suddenly they will inundate you with ideas. Personally, I don't think there are many sane people who choose to have these kind of conversations day-in day-out. For some reason, the past four months has been taken over with it.
Then there's the lists. Lists of names, addresses, desired photographs, possible napkin sources- you name it, we had a list for it. If I didn't make a list, my mother was at the top of the list of people that were willing and itching to do so for me!
It was a world that was foreign to me. I suddenly had to become an expert on flowers, fabrics, colours, place-settings, wholesalers and vases. I side-stepped the majority of these challenges, barely doing enough to get by.
Despite these challenges, somewhere along the way a wedding was organised. It was a wedding that I loved. I loved the flowers, the bridesmaid dresses, the shoes, the table plan, the guests... and most importantly, I loved the Groom. And all these things- all these enticements- led me to this place... this institution. I was most definitely lured!
Beyond the wedding day (the entrance to the after-life!) is the marriage. Marriage is an institution of the craziest kind. It asks you to go outside your comfort zone and to work harder on a relationship than you ever have before. It asks that you put yourself to one side. It asks that you leave the comfort of parental love and cleave to someone who doesn't "have" to love you.
Fortunately for me, I am facing this craziness with my best friend. We entered this place together and we're going to survive it together. We certainly contribute our own little strange and quirky elements. Perhaps it's even us that make it an institution? I guess I'm going to just keep learning more and more during my time "inside"! I'm certainly going to be here for a long time... forever, in fact!
Well, I better get up and go and start preparing our first meal in the Institution. Wish me luck!!!
