Grapefruit

There are these little things that my husband does that could be irritating in a few years time but at the moment just amuse me. Like, when he walks into a room to announce what has just happened to him on the toilet; or when he massively overuses the word "crikey!" when speaking on the phone to people.

When you live with someone, there are lots of things that could quickly accumulate into Grapefruit Syndrome and somehow, you have to find a way to make sure that it doesn't happen.

I've had a lot of time again this week to reflect on the madness of marriage.

I watched an amusing video detailing the reasons why people should get married and tips on what to do and what no to do for your marriage to work. There's some swearing unfortunately in the clip so I won't post it on here. One of the things it says is that winning an Oscar for Best Actress would be bad for your marriage, and that the wife being thinner and more attractive than her husband is a positive thing for marriage. Another study apparently showed that lots of 'fake smiley' pictures as a child is a positive predictor of happiness in marriage. I guess if one was cynical they might suggest that this is because the couple obviously know how to give the appearance of happiness- whether they actually are or not is another matter!

I also got sent this link to a programme on the BBC about Love and Marriage in the 20th century. It was a really interesting programme to watch- for one reason, because it gave a lot of information about so many different types of marriage: from the marriage where the husband and wife were just madly in love, to the family overrun with children, the marriage that was never meant to be, the marriage where they kept going despite infidelity. My favourite part of the programme was seeing one of the men talking about the day he proposed to his wife- he got so emotional when telling the story.

I guess I'm a romantic yet when I told my husband that, he kind of laughed at me because of how practically minded he knows that I am too. I guess, in my mind, you need a bit of both.

Someone told me this week that they would definitely get married for the party, the presents and the holiday.

With that in mind, here's a list of reasons why I got married (from the sublime to the ridiculous):

• A belief in God. I believe in God. Thus, I believe in the Bible. The Bible and my church have taught me that marriage is ordained of God, that men and women should unite and that the union formed is binding and is the proper order of life. 
• Companionship. I don't like to be alone. I can be a very independent sort of person but it's really nice to know that Ben is just a room, a few hours, or a phone call away. He's my best friend. 
• I've come from a great family and they are my inspiration when it comes to making a family of my own. My parents' marriage has had all the highs and lows I suspect any marriage does but they are constantly working together, in sync, to go forward with everything they need to do. 
• Love. I wouldn't have wanted to marry someone I didn't love intensely- what's the point in joining an institution if you're not crazy about someone?
• Learning. I guess I see this as one of the biggest learning periods of my life and I suppose that I felt 'ready' for that change.
• Children. Yes, one day I want to have children. I can't imagine doing that without a husband by my side- I salute the people who manage to do such a wonderful job as single parents. 
• Amusement. Now here, I'm not talking about the wedding day. I'm talking about my husband specifically because the things he does just tickle me. I married him specifically because he makes me laugh and... 
• Understanding ... he understands me. When we were dating there was a time when I couldn't put in words what I wanted to say. He articulated it perfectly for me, even surprising me by how right he was.

Unfortunately, sometimes the understanding just isn't that straight forward. He's a boy, after all, and I'm a girl. We speak entirely different languages and despite his psychology degree, he actually can't read my mind. Perhaps the most important thing in avoiding the grapefruit syndrome is this: people are not projects. 

Genuinely, I think the reason that I got married to Ben and that I got married now was that I had found the right person and in doing so I realised that it wasn't my job to change and mold my husband. Dating him, I realised that I enjoyed him even with his rough edges. 

So I would say that Albert Einstein here gave the perfect recipe for a dismal marriage:

"Men marry women with the hope they will never change. 

Women marry men with the hope they will change. 

Invariably they are both disappointed."  

Life can get ridiculously bitter far too easily if you let that marriage you dreamed of become another disappointment to you. Who wants to do that? 

Sometimes, the best thing in life is the thing that is right on your doorstep; or right in the office making a phone call at this moment in time. 

And I bet he'll use the word "Crikey!"