Me & You... In The Institution (January)

I absolutely love this idea from Dear Beautiful to get monthly photos with your spouse. It's so important to keep dating each other. We promised to "cherish" each other as part of our vows, didn't we? Sometimes it's easy to forget how precious your spouse is and to cherish them appropriately. I know in the day-to-day grind I'm guilty of that. I read about the project on Becky's Ar-Blog - which I totally recommend everyone become as addicted to as I am! 

Right now, this is our whole immediate family. But it won't always be like this. So I like the idea of establishing a tradition now that we can carry into the 'then' and make an effort to have "me & you" time. 

So, here is our attempt at January. Maybe we'll make a calendar out of them in the end!  

Sorry we scared you :)

Competitive Non-competitiveness

There’s an attitude I've noticed at University and the attitude can be summed up by discussions like this:

Student 1: I saw that you signed in at 7:50 this morning!

Student 2: Oh, well… 7:50 might have been a bit of an exaggeration

There’s a real problem of what I call “competitive non-competitiveness” – people are sort of afraid or hesitant to stand up and admit that they are working hard to get where they want. It’s seen as uncool.

It’s not a new thing. I definitely encountered it at high school. Nothing could have been less cool then than to tell someone you put effort into something. Fortunately for my grades, I wasn’t that concerned about being cool at High School. Ben refers to me in my High School days as “Hermione”. I think he can imagine me with my hand waving high in the air every time a teacher asked a question. 

In “Mean Girls” the reaction to the idea of a student wanting to join the “Mathletes” is “You can’t join the Mathletes – it’s social suicide.” Somewhere along the way it seems to have been decided that some forms of success are socially acceptable, and some aren’t. It’s great – amazing – to be successful at sports, for example. But not every person can be a great athlete. Some of us just weren’t born with that particular gift. But – we were all born with gifts. They are hugely varied but they all contribute, like the colours of a rainbow.  

The difference between the mere social acceptance of our gifts and true success is the longevity. Social acceptance occurs when you are up at the high point of your career or talent – when it is popular. Often people are admired more for the pinnacle of their success than how hard they worked to get there. There is a great height to fall from.

All this talk of popularity reminded me of a song and I think the lyrics are relevant to what I’m saying:

“When I see depressing creatures with unprepossessing features I remind them on their own behalf to think of celebrated Heads of State or especially great communicators – did they have brains or knowledge? Don’t make me laugh! They were popular!”  

This is Glinda (from Wicked)’s argument when she’s telling Elphaba (her friend who suffers from a serious case of being green) why it is so vital that Elphaba learns the art of being popular. Elphaba is gifted, clever and uncompromising in standing for what is right. Glinda is silly and frivolous and wants to make her way “dancing through life” on her looks and ability to make friends. Actually, both have extraordinary abilities and talents that can’t be overlooked. The fact that Elphaba is so clever and able is a discernible strength. The fact that Glinda is beautiful and has such a way with people is an amazing talent. Glinda only goes wrong when she thinks that changing Elphaba to be more like herself will improve Elphaba; when the thing that is most wonderful about each of them is the thing that makes them different.

It’s hard to see those talents and unique traits that are thriving in ourselves sometimes. It’s easy to imagine what it would be like to have someone else’s skills and life. We saw the movie “The Secret Life ofWalter Mitty” recently and though it was predictable, I still enjoyed watching someone on his journey to discover that he was already experiencing the “quintessence of life”; and to be reminded that “beautiful things don’t ask for attention”. The life we are living should be ‘good enough’ for us.

It’s a comforting thought when we’re not at the end of the road yet that life should already be a joyful experience. Jeffrey R. Holland tells a story about a time when he was travelling down a road home with his son and they came to a fork and couldn't tell which road to take. They felt strongly that they should go down the right sided road and they did only to find out that it was a dead end a few metres later. They turned around and took the other road. They were confused as to why they had felt so strongly that the right road was correct. They later realised that if they had gone down the left road first, they may have felt unsure still that this was the right road. However, going down the wrong road had meant that they were now absolutely sure they were going in the right direction. The journey is much more pleasant when we have that assurance.

Life isn't always easy. The journey seems rough sometimes. It's our attitude that determines our altitude though. I was recently talking to a beautiful, incredible girl I know who is always smiling. She has cerebral palsy and gets around using a (supercool) wheelchair. She’s had operations and stresses in her life – more than I can imagine. She told me about a time when she was in hospital and really felt that there was something seriously wrong but the doctors were about to send her home. She prayed that they would look after her and that they wouldn't send her home with something wrong. Within the hour they came to see her, figured out what was wrong and she was taken in for a life-saving operation. She didn't tell this story to illustrate how hard life can be, or how rough trials are. She told the story to illustrate that prayers are answered, that God loves us and is aware of us and that life is good. Behind her smile is a girl who loves the life she is living. Due to that attitude, her life is a huge success. She’s a hero.

It is cool to be a success. It’s cool to do everything you can to make your life and the lives of those you love better. Being competitive is about passion and motivation; it is not wrong to want to work hard and do well. It’s wrong to compare yourself to others to make yourself feel better or worse. But it's OK to be determined to achieve because it gives others courage to go for what they want as well. It’s good to be delighted with success that you deserve. Competition is not the problem, your reaction to the outcome is the only thing that can create a problem.

Get stuck in, try something new, go for that job you really want. Life is too short to be concerned about who is going to think you’re daft for trying too hard. Life's too short to stop yourself because you're afraid of failing. So next time someone accuses you of going above and beyond to find your life's success, stand up tall look them in the face and say: “Yes, I was here at 7:50 – there's life to be grabbed, and I grabbed it!” 

Pool People

Recently we have taken up a new hobby. It's something we've both enjoyed individually that we have decided to make a collective habit. We started on Thursday (2nd) went again on Monday (6th) and again today (11th). It seems like a New Year's Resolution, but the truth is that the pool near to us just reopened after a few months of being closed and we're determined to make the most of it.

During our time at the pool we have already bumped into some interesting people. People watching is another hobby that we share due to Ben's psychology degree and Harriet's innate nosiness. (We tell it how it is!) We've decided to pigeon-hole and create caricatures of the pool dwellers for our own amusement and we hope it makes you smile too next time you find yourself in a huge, cold, communal bath with lots of semi-nude people you've never met before:

The "Lads" 

• Six-pack is essential (Group Membership depends on it) 
• Travel in packs 
• Brings floats and sports bottles to look like they mean business
• Actually spend most of their time talking about man crushes (we overheard an interesting chat about Hugh Jackman) meaning that they spend about 10 minutes swimming each hour. 
• When they are swimming they cause tidal waves so people end up bobbing on their pool-wide wake. The splashier the more manly. 

Lane Hogger 

• Joins a fast lane and insists on swimming much slower than everyone else in the lane. 
• Like a freight train - slow, cannot change track, occasional burst of speed when you dare try to overtake. 
• Karate Kicks people who follow them too closely. 
• Feels entitled to swim in that lane at whatever speed they so choose and would like a protective zorb ball around them to maintain their personal space. 

Coach Dad 

• Ex-member of The "Lads" but now has a mini-van, numerous sprogs and the duty of taking said sprogs swimming on a Saturday while his wife is taking a well-deserved break (or standing close by) 
• Can usually be found in the deep end dunking one of his kids under the water shouting "KICK YOUR LEGS" interspersed with "BREATHE" 
• Casts longing glances towards the fast lane, nostalgically yearning for all that has been. 
• Accepts nothing but 100% commitment to being the best from his two year old (arm-bands are for wimps)

The Pacemakers

• Totals about ten minutes in the pool 
• Spends whole time grumbling about their recent doctors' appointment in which they were told (shock, horror!) that their ten minutes of exercise a week probably isn't going to do much about their girth 
• Usually accompanied by a long-suffering younger relative
• Easily confused with a whale - they are oblivious to the cries of "Thar she blows!" from the children in the shallow end who move rapidly out of the way as they resurface. 
• Pacemakers should always be encouraged to stay out of lanes. Otherwise you get an Extreme Lane Hogger. 

Mermaids

• Bikini-clad women aged 16 - 30 years; hair and make-up are always perfect
• Characteristic walk from the changing room to the shallow end - they look like they are practicing to be on the catwalk. 
• Frequent the pool more often if there is a semi-attractive lifeguard
• Swims close to, but far enough away from, any "Lads" that are around so it looks like a coincidence. 
• Travel in pairs. 

Search and Rescue

(Or, as Ben calls it, "Helicopter Mum")

• Found mostly in the shallow end frantically searching for bubbles that may help them locate their children after a temporary lapse in concentration. 
• Spends most of their time chasing various inflatables around the pool and apologising to swimmers who are impacted by said objects. 
• No time to swim. Lives to save. 
• Eyes firmly fixed on child. (who can't go under anyway due to the inflatable ring, arm bands, full body suit and zorb ball). 
• Often pulling hair out in frustration if accompanied by Coach Dad. 

Olympians

• Identifiable by their speedos, swimming hat with local place name on it and goggles which they snap onto their head before swan-diving into the pool 
• Push it on every lap. Constantly looking at the clock. If it doesn't meet Olympic standards it's a disappointment. 
• Are sad that the pool is only 25 metres long. How are they supposed to train in these circumstances? 
• Limited interaction with anyone who is at the pool to swim for leisure.
• Has a shelf at home full of local swimming trophies 
• Uses all the FINA swimming techniques - two-handed touches on breast stroke, the correct number of strokes under the water when pushing off, tumble-turns and back-stroke starts. 

Dearies with a Do

• Usually these gentle and kind women are found in a lane so they can avoid the splashes from enthusiastic children
• Gives the appearance of a poodle gracefully gliding on the surface of the water
• Swims half-lengths and then turns around... doesn't appear to realise that this is the same as swimming an entire length
• Likely homicide risk if hair gets wet 
• A much more pleasant version of the Lane Hogger. Accepts their lack-of-speed with good grace and lets faster swimmers pass. 

Spatially Unaware

• In their own head they are swimming in a straight line. In real life they are making wide raking zig-zags across the pool with little regard for anyone else. (Using the theory of relativity they are actually swimming in a straight line - everyone else is zig-zagging)
• Often heard apologising to other swimmers, children and inanimate objects as they crash their way across the pool, though sometimes they just don't notice the chaos they are creating. 
• Warning. Do not mix with an Olympian. These two types have an incredibly volatile reaction. The S.U. generally loses and ends up with missing limbs as the result of particularly ferocious karate-chop-like backstroke from the Olympian. 

The Hundred Year Old Man Who Climbed Into The Water And Disappeared
(cultural reference: see this book)

• Grey haired and lumbering. You stifle laughter as he hobbles to the pool side and is aided down the steps. 
• Once in the pool a transformation occurs. He becomes the Olympian. Breaks all world records. Makes you feel foolish. Total Trojan. 

Please feel free to add your own in the comments box below! 

The Curtains Open on a Happy New Year

 It's that time again where we all resolve to be better, feel recharged after a Christmas break and have the inevitable moment of writing the wrong date. Welcome to (2013) 2014!

Life in the institution has been great in 2013 and I'm excited to see what 2014 will bring. There are many events I'm looking forward to this year. The biggest ones are Ben's big three-oh and my graduation. Both of these things are real markers of time passing and so I'm determined to ensure that these precious events don't slip away from us.

 On New Year's Eve we managed a "first" for both of us - the first whole classical ballet performance that we've seen. In that, I'm excluding the ballet that Ben went to with his parents before and ducked out half way through with his cousins. I'm excluding the many amateur performances I've seen my siblings perform in! I've seen and enjoyed some contemporary professional groups (my favourite was the Mark Morris Dance Group performance I saw in Birmingham a few years ago).

We saw "The Nutcracker" at the Royal Opera House on Tuesday. I'd never been in the building before and I can honestly say I've never seen a theatre so beautiful. It was a spectacle in itself just to be inside there!

I knew a little about The Nutcracker as my sister has performed in it with the English Youth Ballet. I must have been busy or maybe lacking enthusiasm because I didn't actually go to see that performance, which is odd as I've been to most of the shows my siblings have been in over the years. All I know was that her part was one of "an arabian". 

Perhaps my favourite thing about the whole performance was the music. We were totally lucky to be so close to the orchestra pit I could almost have reached out and tapped the conductor on the head. The best thing about that was during the Waltz of the Snowflakes when the boys' choral part was sung we could see the group of boys singing. That was wonderful!  

As for the ballet itself, I found the first half completely compelling. It's very characterised and there is an awful lot of miming going on as they tell the story. The miming itself is part of classical ballet that I can either take or leave. It reminds me of "Singing in The Rain" when Kathy Selden says that on the screen in old black and white movies "they don't talk, they don't act - they just make a lot of dumb show!" To me it seems kind of silly. The stage and the costumes and the dances were really lovely, though. 

In the first half it is Christmas at Clara's family home and lots of things are going on, including a visit from a magical toy-maker who gives Clara a Nutcracker doll that her brother manages to drop. When Clara comes downstairs to find it at midnight all of the toys come to life and she's attacked by rats and defended by toy soldiers, including the Nutcracker himself. She rides off to a magical kingdom in the snow with him, and that's where the first act ends. 

The second act is all in the Sugar Plum Fairy's realm and consists of various dances representing different parts of the world. It's really pretty and the music is great. As the story isn't progressing, though, I did feel like there were a few moments where I was doing a bit of a seat-shuffle, probably distracting the well-dressed people around me. My favourite part of the second act was the Flower Waltz. 

Overall I was surprised at how much I enjoyed it and even more surprised that Ben enjoyed it. I know it makes us sound so uncouth to even suggest that we might not have enjoyed something that was such a cultural feast. I don't think either of us are full converts to Classical Ballet, but it was a good experience. 

Later that evening we saw in the New Year with some of our dearest friends: 

It's been a great few weeks in which I have to say I've enjoyed relaxing and spending time with family and friends. 

I made a photo-book (totally recommend photobox - they have 70% off right now) this Christmas of Our First Year in the Institution. Looking over it reminded me of the many great experiences of the past year and all of the fun we have ahead. 

I'm not sure about making New Year's Resolutions but I'm grateful for the chance to reflect on the year to come. I think, as human beings, we need that reminder, and the wake-up call that we get, to let us think about the time that has passed and how we make every second count a little bit more. 

Here are my things to focus on this year, call them what you will: 

• I want to keep exercising and aim to lose 5kg this year, then maintain that weight. 
• I want to get my MBChB this year! 
• I want to be a brilliant wife this year - including planning a great 30th for Ben. 

Those things are my major focus - "the big stones" - but I am excited for all the moments that come unanticipated, with friends and family. 

I'd love to know what you're all resolving to do this year!