Competitive Non-competitiveness

There’s an attitude I've noticed at University and the attitude can be summed up by discussions like this:

Student 1: I saw that you signed in at 7:50 this morning!

Student 2: Oh, well… 7:50 might have been a bit of an exaggeration

There’s a real problem of what I call “competitive non-competitiveness” – people are sort of afraid or hesitant to stand up and admit that they are working hard to get where they want. It’s seen as uncool.

It’s not a new thing. I definitely encountered it at high school. Nothing could have been less cool then than to tell someone you put effort into something. Fortunately for my grades, I wasn’t that concerned about being cool at High School. Ben refers to me in my High School days as “Hermione”. I think he can imagine me with my hand waving high in the air every time a teacher asked a question. 

In “Mean Girls” the reaction to the idea of a student wanting to join the “Mathletes” is “You can’t join the Mathletes – it’s social suicide.” Somewhere along the way it seems to have been decided that some forms of success are socially acceptable, and some aren’t. It’s great – amazing – to be successful at sports, for example. But not every person can be a great athlete. Some of us just weren’t born with that particular gift. But – we were all born with gifts. They are hugely varied but they all contribute, like the colours of a rainbow.  

The difference between the mere social acceptance of our gifts and true success is the longevity. Social acceptance occurs when you are up at the high point of your career or talent – when it is popular. Often people are admired more for the pinnacle of their success than how hard they worked to get there. There is a great height to fall from.

All this talk of popularity reminded me of a song and I think the lyrics are relevant to what I’m saying:

“When I see depressing creatures with unprepossessing features I remind them on their own behalf to think of celebrated Heads of State or especially great communicators – did they have brains or knowledge? Don’t make me laugh! They were popular!”  

This is Glinda (from Wicked)’s argument when she’s telling Elphaba (her friend who suffers from a serious case of being green) why it is so vital that Elphaba learns the art of being popular. Elphaba is gifted, clever and uncompromising in standing for what is right. Glinda is silly and frivolous and wants to make her way “dancing through life” on her looks and ability to make friends. Actually, both have extraordinary abilities and talents that can’t be overlooked. The fact that Elphaba is so clever and able is a discernible strength. The fact that Glinda is beautiful and has such a way with people is an amazing talent. Glinda only goes wrong when she thinks that changing Elphaba to be more like herself will improve Elphaba; when the thing that is most wonderful about each of them is the thing that makes them different.

It’s hard to see those talents and unique traits that are thriving in ourselves sometimes. It’s easy to imagine what it would be like to have someone else’s skills and life. We saw the movie “The Secret Life ofWalter Mitty” recently and though it was predictable, I still enjoyed watching someone on his journey to discover that he was already experiencing the “quintessence of life”; and to be reminded that “beautiful things don’t ask for attention”. The life we are living should be ‘good enough’ for us.

It’s a comforting thought when we’re not at the end of the road yet that life should already be a joyful experience. Jeffrey R. Holland tells a story about a time when he was travelling down a road home with his son and they came to a fork and couldn't tell which road to take. They felt strongly that they should go down the right sided road and they did only to find out that it was a dead end a few metres later. They turned around and took the other road. They were confused as to why they had felt so strongly that the right road was correct. They later realised that if they had gone down the left road first, they may have felt unsure still that this was the right road. However, going down the wrong road had meant that they were now absolutely sure they were going in the right direction. The journey is much more pleasant when we have that assurance.

Life isn't always easy. The journey seems rough sometimes. It's our attitude that determines our altitude though. I was recently talking to a beautiful, incredible girl I know who is always smiling. She has cerebral palsy and gets around using a (supercool) wheelchair. She’s had operations and stresses in her life – more than I can imagine. She told me about a time when she was in hospital and really felt that there was something seriously wrong but the doctors were about to send her home. She prayed that they would look after her and that they wouldn't send her home with something wrong. Within the hour they came to see her, figured out what was wrong and she was taken in for a life-saving operation. She didn't tell this story to illustrate how hard life can be, or how rough trials are. She told the story to illustrate that prayers are answered, that God loves us and is aware of us and that life is good. Behind her smile is a girl who loves the life she is living. Due to that attitude, her life is a huge success. She’s a hero.

It is cool to be a success. It’s cool to do everything you can to make your life and the lives of those you love better. Being competitive is about passion and motivation; it is not wrong to want to work hard and do well. It’s wrong to compare yourself to others to make yourself feel better or worse. But it's OK to be determined to achieve because it gives others courage to go for what they want as well. It’s good to be delighted with success that you deserve. Competition is not the problem, your reaction to the outcome is the only thing that can create a problem.

Get stuck in, try something new, go for that job you really want. Life is too short to be concerned about who is going to think you’re daft for trying too hard. Life's too short to stop yourself because you're afraid of failing. So next time someone accuses you of going above and beyond to find your life's success, stand up tall look them in the face and say: “Yes, I was here at 7:50 – there's life to be grabbed, and I grabbed it!”