A Healthy Dose of the Christmas Spirit

We have had a bit of a strange run up to Christmas this year. It has consisted of snatching moments of Christmas joy whenever we can. This is the first Christmas where one of us will be working throughout the festive period and we're hoping it doesn't happen again! 

Fortunately, working as a doctor seems like a very worthwhile pursuit even when everyone else in the world seems to be on their leisure time. It's reminded us of the Master Healer and Teacher who never takes the day off from us, and who is constantly on-call to listen to our needs. Focusing on Him puts everything in perspective during this Christmas season and always. 

Luckily we have managed to find some "down-time" and decided to take the train into Birmingham (a 40 minute ride away from where we live) to sample the delights of the German Christmas Market that's around Victoria Square each year. 

Birmingham has recently been voted among the top ten most exciting destinations for 2015. Please bear in mind that this is a list put together by "Rough Guides" and we're not entirely sure that this isn't just a list of "Rough" places. However, Harriet loves Birmingham (Ben likes the middle bit but thinks the rest of it is... not great) and  would be very happy to take you on a tour of the dark and dismal areas. Just kidding, we'd show you the nice bits... or bit. Either way, they have a bostin' (see translation) German Christmas Market every year which could compete with any in the country. Or in Germany, we reckon. 

Admittedly, we only spent about an hour wandering around the market because it was "Baltic" (Ben's favourite word to denote a mildly chilly temperature) even though we were wrapped up like Michelin men.  See the picture below for reference - particularly appreciate the way the beautiful Christmas lights are reflected in the Tesco Express windows. Classy. Come visit Birmingham. 

In retrospect, though, we probably should have foregone the over-priced hot-dogs of the German stands and purchased cold pasta salads in a plastic dish from Tesco itself. We could even have got a meal-deal. Twice. Each. However, we can thoroughly recommend the chocolaty-marshmellowy-things that were a bargain 50p each. Yes, we mostly paid for air but that air tasted particularly sugary. Which we like. As you can tell by the expression on Ben's face: 

 

But the most important thing about the Christmas Market in our eyes (most people would probably say the beer) is the wonderful way in which they try and extract money from unsuspecting parents as they round the corner and get hit by the lights and sound of a carousel. Nothing in Harriet's mind could be more exciting. 

Look, have you ever seen someone so happy?

And here's Ben enjoying it too:

Admittedly, he was less impressed with this: 

Overall, our hour spent in the freezing cold looking at over-priced stuff sold by Polish people masquerading as Germans turned out to be surprisingly Christmassy. 

And despite our need to make a joke out of it, it was lovely to spend time together and remember the love that is what Christmas is all about; whether that's love for Birmingham, marshmallows, carousels or family. 

Whatever you're doing this Christmas, we hope you find time to spend reflecting on happy moments spent with those that you love. Enjoy making memories! 

Here's something we'll be reflecting on this Christmas, we'd love you to watch it: 

Merry Christmas!!! 

420

For the last four months I've been on my first Foundation Year One (FY1) post - my first job as a recently graduated doctor. 

I've had the privilege of working in Burton Hospital on the General Surgical team. As a member of that team I've been carrying round the bleep (pager) with the number "420". As long as I was covering 'normal jobs' (which means looking after patients on the ward) I was carrying this bleep. It was only during this last week on the job that one of the Senior doctors on the team, who is originally from Pakistan, mentioned to me that my bleep number "420" is synonymous in India for frauds, deceivers and cheaters. I've still trying to get my head around whether I should feel offended that this fact was jokingly shared with me as being appropriate for myself. 

In some ways, I can definitely see how I started off as a bit of a fraud! It felt odd to call myself a doctor, and stranger still to hear other people say it. Moving on to my next role within the same hospital, I guess I will feel a bit like that again. I've learned my surgical job, I know the team and the role. I even got to know some of the 'regulars', who may have ongoing surgical problems and have had more than one admission over my time as a surgical FY1. My next job is going to be another learning curve. It's a different role, team and expectation to meet. It's even a different 'type of patient' to those I encounter on the bright and friendly surgical wards. 

I'm really grateful for the things I've learned on surgery and for the people who have helped me. I've had some senior doctors and nurses who have been exemplary. I've loved interacting with all of the other members of staff. Best of all, my peers (especially the girls!) have made it a lot of fun and have really shared the things they've been learning which has made it all so much easier. It's amazing when you can ask a colleague about something you've never done before that seems tricky and they can clue you in quickly and make it seem totally doable. I've laughed until I've cried (literally) over conversations shared. It's been a fantastic first team! 

Just a Few of the Highlights: 

• Participating in Surgery: Cholecystectomy, Laparotomy, Appendicectomy, Hernia repairs. Learning has been quite "hands on" at times! 
• Good feedback from Seniors - because everyone loves the occasional pat on the head. 
• Learning that when you get bleeped the first question should always be "Are you sure that this is MY patient?" (explanation: we get lots of bleeps as the nurses always have lots of questions and they sometimes don't have a lot of time to work out who it is exactly that they need to get hold of - it can be quite confusing as we carry different bleeps when on-call etc.)
• Knowing that anyone who comes to A&E with "Abdominal Pain" will inevitably become a surgical patient - which makes it easier to anticipate how many there are to see on a night shift. 
• The "mystery meat" in the food left in the fridge in the Doctors' Mess for the on-call teams. 
• Being on the wards for the moment of silence at 11:00 on 11/11/14. 

I'm excited (and nervous) for my new start as a Medical FY1 tomorrow! Wish me luck!

Belly Flopping Through Life

I am a massive fan of nature programmes. In particular, I love BBC documentaries with Sir David Attenborough at the helm. My favourites include: "Blue Planet", "Planet Earth", "Life" and many more. Sir David has been doing this for many years now and has become a British institution - one that will eventually be hard to replace.

The latest offering is called "Life Story", which documents the lives of various creatures from birth and it is as incredible as always. The main focus is on how many young animals go through quite considerable trials so they can simply live for the first few weeks of their lives. Some of the things I have seen so far have been remarkable. None more so than the Barnacle Goose.

The documentary followed two geese as they nested their eggs on top of a massive precipice. This particular couple had settled for the safest spot they could find - the top of an enormous rocky chimney. All around this chimney, there were drops of at least a couple of hundred feet, so no predators could ever disturb them there.

This presented a big problem though: Once hatched, their goslings were going to be hungry. Geese eat grass and the nearest feeding grounds were in the valley hundreds of feet below. Somehow, these fluffy goslings who were only a couple of weeks old at best, had to find a way down from their rocky fortress.

"How are they going to do that then?" I thought... Then came one of the most crazy things I have ever seen. The adult geese just took off and left the goslings up there on their own. Honking on their way down, the geese were actually encouraging the fluffy things above to jump. Seriously. So one by one, encouraged by the honking below, the goslings edged towards the drop and lined up ready to dive. It was then that Sir David stepped in with some words of encouragement. He explained that though the goslings can't fly, if they managed to control their descent and go belly first, their chances of surviving the fall were much higher. So basically, if they belly flopped onto a rock it would be better for them... Encouraging.

The first gosling jumped. The cameras followed it as it flapped its pointless furry wings trying to steady itself. Then after a few seconds of free-fall, the gosling bounced belly first off a rock and went into a roll. It eventually came to a halt right by its no-doubt relieved parents, who then looked on as the rest of the brood jumped off, one by one. Of the five goslings who hatched, three eventually made it. That's three more than I and the BBC predicted. They then went down to the meadow and helped themselves to a well-deserved portion of grass.

During dinner this evening, I mentioned to Harriet that there must be an analogy here and I think I found one: In life, we are expected to endure trials in order to reap the rewards at the end. Just like the Barnacle Geese of Greenland, we must leave our places of comfort to work our way towards the grass fields of life. We often find ourselves needing to seemingly jump off cliffs in order to get there and we may often baulk at what faces us as it looks impossible.

We too have people who are down below, "honking" at us. People who have been through what we are going through. They made it, so they know it can be done. With this encouragement, we place our faith in what they are telling us and follow the instructions on how to do it correctly. We flap our under-developed fluffy wings, hoping the things we have been taught will get us down safely and eventually we belly flop, roll and then make our way towards the grass.

I am grateful for those who have influenced me in my life. I have had many people who have honked encouragement at me, helping me get through trials. I have made it this far with that faith and hope to pass it on to others who follow.

It would just be that much cooler if my life was narrated by Sir David Attenborough...

Me with my Chief Honker

Money is the Root of All Evil

There are a lot of people who find the discussion of money a bit of a vulgar subject. If you’re someone who finds it uncomfortable to read about money and finances relating to yourself and those around you then stop reading because that is the subject of this post.

Recently I read an article online written last year which discussed the link between financial arguments early on in marriage and couples eventually deciding to separate. It didn’t surprise me to learn that money is one of the most contentious and divisive factors in relationships where people are trying to make life together work. This is a common thing, as I see it. How many times have you argued with your partner about how your finances should be managed? I imagine, if you’re honest, you will have had at least one conversation where you disagreed on the priorities for your money. It’s clear to me that such disputations over money can disrupt our “happily ever after”, but with that in mind then, is it really true that “Money doesn’t buy happiness”?

I imagine there are others out there like myself (maybe you) who feels anything but happy when you have the misfortune to see a bank statement with any of the following features:

-£X

It’s the antithesis of all things warm, good and lovely.

Fortunately, I don’t see the big red letters or the negative symbol too often (phew!); however, it’s a common state of affairs to see a long, long list of outgoings and a very succinct, one-off batch of incoming(s).

I guess that's ok. We have lots of people to pay because we're paying for things we need and enjoy. We pay for TV, phones, cars, food, the internet, our flat. The fact that we can pay for those things makes us better off than a lot of people. Being able to cover those necessary elements is definitely a relief rather than a relationship stressor.

I'm careful with money, though I am not a great saver. I see some luxuries as being essential. Things like fun leisure activities and eating food we like. 

At the end of last month I got home from work bored but determined to change my feelings of stir-craziness. I'd arranged with my best friend to stay with her overnight, bought tickets to see Matilda and Ben and I were on a train to London within just less than two hours. 

We saw the show - it was fantastic. We spent time with friends, which was brilliant. It was exciting and fun to be able to go and be spontaneous and make a memory together. Our choice of activity was extravagant, for sure. It wasn't our usual milkshake or episode of West Wing. In some ways it was a bit of a wasteful enterprise – we have a lot of things we can’t afford that we would like to right now. Maybe we should have saved the money to do some of those things, however I’m glad we see the benefit of sometimes doing something which is short-sighted in terms of our finances but places emphasis on our relationship right now.

I’m sure our future life when we’ve saved for the things we need will be great, but I want to make sure we have fun along the way so that we still want to be together when it gets a bit easier.

Life right now isn’t half bad, but we don’t have everything we would want. We rent the two bedroom flat we live in and we have a car (though Ben can’t drive anyway at the moment due to his seizure back in May), which is an 11 year old, green fiat punto with half a back windscreen wiper missing and a ludicrously disproportionate alarm. My major concern if someone tried to steal her (she’s called Ariel) is that the alarm actually WOULD go off and we’d be able to stop the thief from taking her. That would be a real tragedy.

We’d like to buy a house of our own. We’d like to have a super-practical, cheap-to-insure, reliable car so we could get to all of the places we want to go. At the moment those things look like they’re a bit of a way off which is frustrating sometimes when you see some friends with houses, cars and babies. But let’s steer rapidly away from the subject of babies! That’s quite a different conversation!

I guess the sad thing about money is that it isn't like having tokens in a fun fair where the only purpose of it is to gain access to wonderful and exciting things. Money is actually pretty mundane when useful. Never, before I was married, did I think that the things I’d want most in life would be to have a kitchen with gas hobs that is big enough for a stand mixer. Oh how my dreams have changed!

But, to me, money is a symbol of security. 

I admit that I love to shop and spend. But I only enjoy that when I know I have savings for a rainy day. Recently, life has been a bit more tough and my rainy day funds have been all but wiped out. It's been difficult to let go of that safety net. I've struggled and cried over it. I've worried about all the things that could go wrong over the next little while: I'm a self-confessed catastrophiser. I've pictured my car blowing up and me not being able to fix it so I can't get to work and I lose my job and medical school was all for absolutely nothing and I end up cleaning toilets with a toothbrush for money and living in the city dump. (I said I was a catastrophiser-ok??!)

It's probable that I'd be catastrophising about something or other no matter my situation. Money wouldn't buy me happiness but it would certainly increase my security. And security and stability are really the things we gain and benefit from in our family life. We can trust our loved ones to always be there and we give them the same. It keeps us safe, feeling loved and happy. Home should be a safe place free from worries and cares. So I understand why people who are stressed, pushed and pulled financially would feel like their home life, family life and even marriage were being compromised by a disruption in security. Life is smoother if you have a way of dealing with crises that come; when rain comes you're less likely to come out like a drowned rat if you have an umbrella. Money is a great safety net – it can get a car back on the road, fill empty bellies and contribute toward the building of great memories.

Money isn’t everything and it’s sad that it can cause so much contention when really it can be utilised in ways that benefit such a wide number of people. I imagine most people who argue about money argue because the priorities they have for it differ. We all have different life priorities and it’s easy to make judgements about other people without really understanding where they’re coming from.

I’ve seen lots of friends on facebook recently buying houses. The green-eyed monster of jealousy came out as I considered how they’d got together enough money to do that. I reasoned that they’d probably had help from family, or that they’d been married for a lot longer than we have, or that they’ve been earning more and for longer. Ben helped me put things in perspective when he pointed out to me that it really isn’t everyone. A lot more people are probably in the same position as us: making ends meet, coming across bumps along the way, taking time to try and create some security for their lives; but also making sure they have some fun.

During our marriage things have been unstable at times when it comes to money. The provision of that money has been unbalanced, too. When we got married Ben was the sole provider and I was a medical student. Now, the scales have tipped the other way and I’m trying to do as well as he did in that first couple of years in providing the things we need. I’m happy that one of us has always had a job that pays enough to meet our outgoings. We haven’t saved (yet) but we’ve stayed out of debt.

Most of all, I feel like we prioritise together. We both think it’s important to recognise family birthdays with a gift; we both love to travel; and having shared interests and ideals makes it easier not to get frustrated where money is concerned. In the way that we use our money (budgeting and prioritising together), it certainly does ‘buy’ us happiness. Maybe I’m wrong, and couples who are happy together and look after each other have a head-start when it comes to avoiding contention over money. Either way, life is good and happiness is here to stay regardless of our assets. 

Just a Big Pair of Scrubs

I've been trying to find time to write a bit more about being a doctor. Because, as I mentioned before, I have lots of reasons not to. 

There are moments of brilliance and moments of utter self-doubt and frustration. Sometimes I don't know that I'm in the right career. I wonder this mostly when I'm working 12.5hrs three days in a row; or when I still have seven hundred jobs to do and my shift is almost over; or when my stomach turns at something I see or smell (a rare occurrence now - I can cope with most things). 

I'm learning a lot about medicine. But I think I'm learning more about myself. 

That's one of the wonders of working with people. Our relationships and interactions add something to us. Maybe, more accurately, our responses and reactions to the things we experience concerning other people develop our character. I've seen this already in small ways. 

It's about the way you feel when you express sympathy and spend five extra minutes listening to someone who has emotional pain because of a physical problem. That's one of the reasons I've become so interested in palliative care. Despite the fact that it seems like you can't really do any good - you're not going to cure someone who is dying of a terminal illness - you can have a huge impact in that experience for the patient and family.

It's about negotiating with colleagues and prioritising the things that matter. Sometimes it's about lending a hand; other times it's about sticking to your guns and explaining why something needs to be done that way. 

It's about gaining knowledge and answers and being able to share that wisdom with others. For example, today I found out that not only do we need to prescribe insulin on paper, but also on our computer system - that way it flags the need for administration up to the nurses and they are prompted to remember. I told nurses, doctors - I would have told anyone who was listening! Sometimes it's sharing knowledge with colleagues; at other times it's sharing information with patients and relatives. It's vital to communicate. 

There's so much to this job. In some ways it's very logical, methodical and practical. It takes a very scientifically sharp mind to know processes and interpret results and be able to diagnose people. But that's only half the battle. Human beings are so complex!  

I'm glad I have a job that uses my whole brain and extends much further than the knowledge I have now. I have so much to learn but that's kind of exciting. And it's great to be able to track the progress you have made; whether by reflecting on a conversation with relatives, realising you've just put a cannula in that you previously would have found seriously difficult, or occasionally even getting praise for your work by senior colleagues who have so much more experience. 

I'm grateful for this time in my life. I'm not a career-woman. I want to have children (while I'm still young!). Work adds a significant amount of stress to my life and takes up energy I would rather give to my family. However, it adds stability to our lives that I work and can help pay bills and hopefully give us a foundation from which to continue the rest of our lives comfortably. While I'm doing it, I may as well enjoy it and learn from it and become better because of it. There may well come a day where the need for me to work diminishes and I have the option of being at home more. I'm setting the ground work so that when fewer hours are possible, I can take that choice and still support Ben in providing for our family. 

Right now, being a doctor is interesting and illuminating and I anticipate gaining a lot from my decision to follow this path in my work. It's giving me fascinating experiences and insight. 

I wish I could write more about the patients that I learn from and because of - but obviously I can't tell stories about people that might allow them to be identified or might be taken as breaking any kind of confidentiality. Even that is something I love - I enjoy having a code of conduct that directs my professional life. It happens in many other professions but I love the way it applies to medicine particularly. 

A few weeks ago Ben and I were able to get away to Cornwall for a week, anyway, so I'll leave you with pictures of that! 

What Do "Mormons" Believe?

When people find out that I'm a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (often called by a nickname: "Mormons") they usually don't know very much about what that means. Maybe they've heard of the Book of Mormon or have some vague idea that Mormons are Christian. Some of them have watched television programmes about aspects of Mormon culture or lifestyle that have - quite frankly - only confused them more. 

It's a difficult question to answer because I've spent twenty-five years of my life attending 3 hour meetings every week; I spent four years going to daily hour-long classes; and I even read more about what we believe in my spare time. It's a pretty complex subject to boil down to a five minute conversation. 

That's why I thought I would write this blog - it's a point of reference for people who are wondering what Mormons believe, because sometimes a five minute conversation just can't answer enough questions! 

The Articles of Faith 

Firstly, and very helpfully, the first Prophet of our church in this dispensation wrote down thirteen statements of belief that outline the core doctrines of the church. They're concise, and we often learn to quote them before we get baptised at the age of 8 years. Useful, huh?

1. We believe in God, the Eternal Father, and in His Son, Jesus Christ, and in the Holy Ghost.
2. We believe that men will be punished for their own sins, and not for Adam’s transgression.
3. We believe that through the Atonement of Christ, all mankind may be saved, by obedience to the laws and ordinances of the Gospel.
4. We believe that the first principles and ordinances of the Gospel are: first, Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ; second, Repentance; third, Baptism by immersion for the remission of sins; fourth, Laying on of hands for the gift of the Holy Ghost.
5. We believe that a man must be called of God, by prophecy, and by the laying on of hands by those who are in authority, to preach the Gospel and administer in the ordinances thereof.
6. We believe in the same organization that existed in the Primitive Church, namely, apostles, prophets, pastors, teachers, evangelists, and so forth.
7. We believe in the gift of tongues, prophecy, revelation, visions, healing, interpretation of tongues, and so forth.
8. We believe the Bible to be the word of God as far as it is translated correctly; we also believe the Book of Mormon to be the word of God.
9. We believe all that God has revealed, all that He does now reveal, and we believe that He will yet reveal many great and important things pertaining to the Kingdom of God.
10. We believe in the literal gathering of Israel and in the restoration of the Ten Tribes; that Zion (the New Jerusalem) will be built upon the American continent; that Christ will reign personally upon the earth; and, that the earth will be renewed and receive its paradisiacal glory.
11. We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may.
12. We believe in being subject to kings, presidents, rulers, and magistrates, in obeying, honoring, and sustaining the law.
13. We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men; indeed, we may say that we follow the admonition of Paul-We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things. 

I mentioned that the man who wrote the statements above was a Prophet - so let me explain a bit more: 

Prophets and the Priesthood Power

The Priesthood is the authority to act in God's name and being someone who "holds" the Priesthood means that when guided by the Holy Ghost you can access and call down the powers of heaven. In a practical sense, it's used to prepare the sacrament and to heal the sick. Miracles happen through God's power!

Just as there were certain groups of people who held the Priesthood in the Bible, nowadays it's the men who have the opportunity to hold the Priesthood and use the power of God. They have to be keeping the commandments in order to have it. It's like maintaining your driving license and not getting too many points! 

The Prophet is the one who holds all the keys of the Priesthood. He is in charge of running the church and ensuring that the Priesthood is delegated to those who need to use it. 

God speaks to His Prophets and directs His church through them. Knowing this explains why "Mormons" are so willing to follow what the Prophet says - including commandments outside of the Ten Commandments from the Old Testament. One of these commandments has to do with our health and which substances we should take into our bodies; we call it the Word of Wisdom. 

So, where did this power and authority come from?

We believe it is the exact same power and authority given to Peter in the New Testament by Jesus Christ; and that is was restored to the earth through the first Prophet of this dispensation. We believe that Joseph Smith saw God, the Father, and His son, Jesus Christ, after praying to know which church to join. He received the answer that none of them had the complete fullness of Christ's gospel. He was then directed about how the church was to be restored.

Though the Prophet is the only one who receives direction for the whole church, we can all receive revelation and guidance from God for our own lives. 

The Book of Mormon

One of the essential things that came from the restoration of the gospel was an additional book of scripture called "The Book of Mormon". Now can you understand where we get our nickname?

The Book of Mormon is like the Bible, in that it teaches about God's dealings with His people. Instead of following the history of Ancient Israel, it records the journeys of the group of people who went over from Israel to the Americas - the ancestors of the Native Americans.

Though Mormons love reading the Bible, we often place more emphasis on the Book of Mormon because we believe it was translated directly from the language in which it was written to english by the power of God. Joseph Smith was directed to find the Book of Mormon by an angel. It lay buried where it had been placed by the last author of the Book of Mormon, Mormon's son, Moroni. (Mur-own-eye).  Joseph translated the record using a seer-stone.

We love the Book of Mormon. Ask a Mormon what their favourite story is from it and they will undoubtedly get excited and babble! We are encouraged to read it constantly - it's a book you can study again and again and find new truths in it, just like the Bible.

Like the Bible, it testifies of Christ and teaches us more about the plan God has for us.

The Plan of Salvation
(or The Great Plan of Happiness!)

Life, and the fact of existence, throws up a lot of fundamental questions. 

Where did I come from? 

Why am I here? 

Where do I go when I die? 

Members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints have answers to these questions. We believe that the answer to all of them stems from the fact that God's intention is to bring us back to live with Him; having learned the things we need to know in this life to progress us. 

We believe our spirits are eternal in nature and that we are God's children. We lived with Him before this life, but we didn't have bodies. He loved us enough to send us here to gain experience and become physical beings! 

The Atonement of Jesus Christ is central to God's plan for us because we were bound to get things wrong when given the freedom to act; and we needed freedom to progress. God is perfect and all actions have consequences - so we would all come up short and therefore reap the punishment for the things we get wrong. Jesus Christ takes our debts and gives us new conditions when we go to Him. He was perfect so could take upon Him our sins. He asks in return that we keep the commandments and follow Him. 

Baptism is the gateway - our first step down the path back to Heavenly Father. Through it we are cleansed of our sins, and we take the Sacrament each week to renew the promises we made when we were baptised. 

We want to make progress in this life so that when we die we can return to live with God. 

The Temple

Because keeping promises to God and receiving blessings through promises He makes in return is the way to live with Him again, it is easy to see why our temples are so important to us.

It is in temples that we make further promises to God like the ones made at baptism. It is so sacred that we don't discuss the exact detail of those promises outside the temple; we give our hearts and our devotion to God. We worship Him in the temple.

One of the most incredible blessings we have through the temple is the blessing of being able to be sealed to our families forever. Now, I don't know about you, but I'd be pretty miffed if I spent my whole life with someone and then got to heaven and realised I was on my own again. Through the temple we have the promise that we can be with our loved ones forever.

This blessing is for everyone - so we extend it to our ancestors and stand in on their behalf to seal them to their families. That's why we're so keen on genealogy. It's also why we're keen on missionary work - we are not a special group of people who should keep these things for ourselves. We want everyone to have the chance to be with those they love throughout eternity. So, we might seem like we're out to "convert" the world. The reality is, we want everyone in the world to have an opportunity to find out whether what we're talking about has any merit.

One of my favourite books says: "beware of people who are anxious to tell you how you ought to live. Instead, test everything, including what is said in this book, against your own thoughtfully considered experience. If you are honest about that experience, what is true will ring true - you will not have to rely on my say-so or anybody else's."

The temple is one of my favourite places. It was in Preston Temple that I married Ben - and if we keep the promises we made to God and one another there, I know we'll get everything we dream of.

Families

Families are important to most people, probably, and believing we can all be together forever means that we have a special urgency to make sure that we actually want to!

As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints we have a very traditional view of families. It's a view that we believe in and defend.

Overall, we believe families are best when they are built on the teachings of Jesus. That doesn't mean things are always easy and straightforward - we have tests and trials as people within our families struggle. But, it's worth the fight if we know that at the end of it we can all be happy and eternally united. I want to be with all of those I love!

Obviously, that doesn't tell you everything there is to know about "Mormons" - but it's definitely better than me trying to explain in 5 seconds what we believe. 

For more information there's a great website: 

www.mormon.org 

Feel free to share what you believe in the comments below. 

Job and all the jobs

This blog could easily be called "What to do when you can't get it right" because that's honestly how I'm feeling right now.

I'm in a moment of self-reflection that's actually making me feel like I don't want to share so many of my thoughts. However, I'm inspired to keep typing this week by a friend who I was speaking to on Sunday who said she reads my blog.

Thanks for those of you who read - I hope you feel like you're not alone in some of the craziness in your life when you read some of the musings I share. I always love to talk to women with whom I have shared experiences. I guess this week speaking to that friend I got a reminder that I'm not alone. It meant a lot!

We all really need each other.

{Job 1: Family member}

Sometimes we're so deep in our own trials that we don't realise we share so many things in common with the people around us.

This year has been a particularly difficult one for me & mine so far. Trouble has come from all angles: relationships, sickness, finances. I feel a real kinship with Job - despite the fact that none of my trials are as big as his. The challenge has been that they just keep coming.

I'm not going to lie - I've been angry. I've been upset. I've felt hurt and abandoned at times. For me, it's been challenging to see those around me being hurt. I personally haven't been unwell or had hardship placed on me but when those I love face trials it's still incredibly personal and just as much of a test of my faith. It almost feels more difficult because you have to stand back and trust that things will be ok without being able to influence that course sometimes. And as a control-freak, that's hard.

Mostly, I want to hide in a big hole and come out when things are better. I'm a wimp when it comes to weathering the storm!

Conversely, I've seen a lot of love. Particularly as our family has rallied together. It takes away some of the temptation to assign blame to God or other people when I know my family are being so supported.

I'm trying to get it right but sometimes I feel like I'm so inadequate. I have this awkward teenager inside me who tries to hide behind what I'm striving to be; often not succeeding.

{Job 2: My Job!}

One of the easiest places to hide is at work. There, I'm a doctor and I generally know what I'm doing. I know how to succeed and I can easily make people happier as I get on with what I'm supposed to do. It's prescribed, it's people-oriented and there's a definite right-and-wrong.

I didn't know how I would feel about working. As a woman in the church (and a woman who personally does want a family when the time is right) I wondered if this doctoring business was really a good thing for me. Now I'm here and I'm doing it and work is such a blessing in my life. I'm doing this for me - for my personal growth - and I'm benefitting from it. I love my associations with colleagues and patients - I love being productive and useful - I love earning money for my family.

{Job 3: Wife}

Family is vital. Sometimes it's the biggest challenge of all - to give your best to the people you're around 24/7. It is easy to be your 'best self' at work and get lazy at home. That's sometimes something I can feel myself slipping into.

There's nothing as satisfying in the world as being happy at home. At home, you're unmasked. Unmakeupped! My mother-in-law describes the stage before you really know someone as the "too-damn-polite" stage. The defences come down when you really know someone well and you lose a certain amount of that etiquette. But it's important that we try not to be coarse at home. We need to put effort in to maintaining some of that politeness with everyone, everywhere. Our character when we're comfortable shouldn't be slobby!

It's interesting to look over these three 'jobs' and my 'Job'-like struggles in each of them (some more than others) and evaluate how I'm doing. The answer is that I'm not a brilliant juggler. But I do love all of these aspects and I want to improve in all of these areas. So, if all I can do is hang on in there right now then that's what I'll do.

There's a painting by James C. Christensen that sums up some of how I feel (only I feel like I'm dropping most of these items - I might be a little self-critical!):

All my love to all the other jugglers (however successful!!!).

xxx

Manners Maketh Man

I had a Headmistress at Primary School who would say this phrase to us:

"Manners Maketh Man!" 

At the time, I knew I was being told to be polite but didn't really analyse it further. Until this week. Oh, this week! 

I have to say that I've had two of the rudest experiences totally out of the blue this week that I've ever been subject to from total strangers. In both cases, I had done something really silly - so maybe I deserved the response? 

Scenario One

You're driving down a road on your estate. It's a narrow road and you have to turn left at the end of it. When you look right to turn left there are cars everywhere and it's pretty difficult to see much further than a few metres. You think it's clear, though you realise you were struggling, and you pull out. 

A car comes from the right, very quickly so it wasn't in your eye-line when you checked. You've pulled out in front of him and he has to slow down to your speed. He's not happy. Oops! You can see him gesticulating in the mirror behind. You breathe, try not to respond and hope he'll be going a different way at the round about. 

At the round about, he pulls up alongside you. He winds down his window (on a cold morning) just so he can shout and swear at you, telling you to "USE. YOUR. EYES." 

Scenario Two

You're shopping late one night. There's hardly anyone around. You finish trying things on in the changing room and you go outside to the desk where someone will assist you putting back the things you don't want. You're tired, and you've not got a good hold of the items you were trying so you lean them on the desk, prior to engaging with the assistant. You look up and a girl also by the desk is glaring at you, a few items of clothing in her hands. "I was actually here first," she tells you, angrily. 

In both of these scenarios I undoubtedly got something wrong. In the first scenario the results could have even been dangerous. I tried to get it right and didn't mean harm but I bothered and offended people. People who were rushing and didn't have time for my mistakes. 

Both times I felt a bit shaken up. I felt that the reaction was totally disproportionate to my crime. I'd certainly got it wrong but I was amazed that complete strangers had gone out of their way to react in a volatile way toward me. Honestly, I felt sorry for the man in the car. I thought his blood pressure must be really high for him to lean out of a window and shout at a girl. 

Whatever happened to English civility? 

Whatever happened to "Manners Maketh Man"? 

Whatever happened to Class? (Cut to "Chicago"!) 

Some of it, I think, is to do with the internet. We can get away with writing so much that is unpleasant. We can whine and moan about people, situations and feelings we have in a way that we couldn't before. It's a very small step before we start saying it. 

I've heard some people say that people who post only the happy moments in their lives are just bragging and giving an unrealistic view. I think it's all about controlling your own media. All of us are celebrities in each other's lives now. We know when a baby is born, when someone loses weight, when a new coupling is made; in exactly the same way we know about celebrities. BUT we don't have to give ourselves bad press. That part is something entirely avoidable. We just have to choose which moments to share and which ones not to. Having control over that part of our lives helps us to remember to censor ourselves with strangers and in public. 

Be yourself - but always be your best self. 

Even with strangers! 

After all, Manners Maketh Man. 

Doctor & Mr McKee

There have been many weird things about my first full week as a junior doctor and you'll be surprised to hear that most of the strangeness has not come from the patients. 

Hearing nurses referring to me as "doctor" is odd. I pause whenever they say it and look around for someone who looks like they know what they are doing. Then I realise it's just me. 

Please don't take my joking too seriously. I know what I'm doing around 90% of the time. Want to know what it really is like? Read this book. Or you could just watch that Junior Doctor program. 

I promised my best friend that I would blog about my initial doctoring experiences. But there are a few things holding me back.

1) Most doctoring is about patients, and I can't write very much about them. You might know one of them - it might be your Granny or your Aunt or something. The experiences that cause me some moments of dark humour might not be so funny if it was. That's something I always try to remember. The things I get wrong or right affect real people that are really loved by other real people. 

2) It's just a job. I know, I know. It's a job that is well-respected, very important and the source of some great television. But, like other jobs, there are mundane bits. Quite frankly, you don't want to hear about someone's day at work. I have the same struggles with bosses, frustrations and the odd moment of triumph. 

So, briefly: 

It's going as well as can be expected after one week. 

I'm suddenly actually good at cannulas. (There's something magic about being able to introduce yourself as the doctor rather than the medical student).  

Night-shifts make me want to scream. 

Let's talk about something pleasant. 

For example, Ben. 

Now, I haven't actually seen my husband in a while. I miss him! The problem with working night shifts is that my routine has been this: 

• 18:30  - Wake Up
• 19:15 - Greet Ben as he walks through the door with a ribbon in my hair (not literally) and dinner all ready
• 19:40 - Leave the house for work, having scarfed down dinner. 
• 09:30 - Return home from work and read
• 11:00 - Fall asleep 

Lather, rinse repeat. 

However, last weekend we managed to go up to the temple to celebrate our anniversary. This weekend we're busy with a practically-family wedding! 

In true Doctor & Mr McKee style, here's a whole bunch of pictures so I don't have to write anymore. 

Can you tell I'm cranky from sleep deprivation??? 

One Minute Of Silence

Life is hectic (in a good way) at the moment so it was a real privilege to be able to take an evening out yesterday to commemorate the beginning of Britain's involvement in the First World War.

 We are lucky to live ten minutes up the road from the National Memorial Arboretum (NMA) in Alrewas. It's a place that has grown on me more and more as I've visited. As it's a place to remember those who have died in conflict it is a place of mourning - but it's also a place of inspiration, enlightenment, reflection and gratitude. I, for one, am very grateful to those who fought to defend the freedom we enjoy in this country. I don't pretend to understand or advocate international conflict (who likes wars?) but I'm glad that I enjoy the freedoms I have and I realise that a lot is owed to the people who gave up so much during the world wars.

A Vigil was held on Monday 4th August at the NMA. A large group of people gathered together to read stories and bible passages, sing hymns and remember.

During the minute of silence we observed after the Last Post was played, someone's phone let out the familiar bleep-bleep bleep-bleep of a message coming through.

At first I rolled my eyes. Surely they could have put it on silent?

Then I listened. Like, really listened.

In our supposed "silence" there were birds chirping, a plane passing overhead and, yes, that person's phone going off.

The thing was, we were all silent. Everyone was observing the silence with the utmost respect and reverence and to the best of their ability. It dawned on me that life is like that. We can't always control the environment we're in or the situations that happen to us. We can't drown out the noise of the plane passing overhead, the birds singing, or the phone. But we can control what we do. We can choose to Be Still.

What an amazing thing that is - that we can make these decisions. We have the freedom to do so much in this life, in this country. Even with times where we have external influence we can control our own conduct and attitude.

The plane, the bird and the phone didn't stop us from having our minute to reflect.

We are the Masters of our fate and the Captains of our souls.

The Pulpit

A couple of weekends ago, Harriet and I went over to my Parents' house in Rutland for the weekend. After seeing some dear friends on Friday night, we arrived at my parents ready for a day out on Saturday.

We went as planned to a place called Peckover House in Cambridgeshire (a Georgian property run by the National Trust) and ended up in Cambridge absolutely stuffing ourselves at a great restaurant called Cau. I massively recommend it - just don't eat as much as I did when I went there...

In between, we decided to head over to Ely, as it was nearby and Harriet had never been there before. For those of you who are unfamiliar with Ely, it lies on a raised area (known historically as the "Isle of Ely") in the middle of the Fens - a large area of low-lying drained marshland in the east of England. Because Ely is a few metres above sea level, it can be seen from miles around with its iconic cathedral sticking out like a beacon, drawing you in.

Most cathedral cities in the UK are really nice places. Harriet and I live in one (Lichfield) and walks down to the cathedral are not uncommon. Ely is no exception to this rule and has picturesque stone buildings all around the town, making you think you have gone back in time.

Once in the cathedral, we made our way round admiring the stained-glass windows and architecture. All around the building were little sheets of laminated paper, explaining different effigies and shedding some light on what things meant. One in particular stood out to me:

This sign made me think of our pulpit at our church (definitely less ornate!). It is interesting to see that the most uplifting things said from our pulpit are always the ones where the speaker expounds upon the gospel and how we can use it to better our lives and the lives of others. Whenever this is not the case, the spirit does not attend and no one goes away feeling uplifted or edified.

Having thought about this for the past couple of weeks since our visit, it has given me a determination to make sure whenever I am given a talking assignment at church, that I will seek to put my own musings aside and fulfil my responsibility to point others to Christ.