For the past three and a half weeks I've been on placement at a paediatric hospital. During that time I've seen a lot of absolutely adorable children with all ranges of problems, conditions and social backgrounds.
A lot of things about a child are determined even before they are born. Though I knew this before, it has still been a surprise to me to be reminded daily of this reality. The structural development of a baby relies on genetics, maternal health and nutrition and the environment. In short, children are affected by many factors, including the decisions of their parents, long before they have their own 'personhood' in this world. Sometimes problems occur early on that no one can really have any influence over and it is these babies (the ones born with congenital disorders) that are the ones that really make me think.
I definitely don't want to suggest that all health problems that children experience are depressing: actually, I've seen both ends of the spectrum. I've seen wonderful, caring parents who are devotedly expressing love to children who are ill by constantly being there. It amazes me how people will put their lives on hold and ensure that their child is given every ounce of time and energy that they have. It's a beautiful thing to see how families rally round when learning how to provide for the needs of every member. However, I've also seen real tragedies: very ill children, unwanted children, neglected children and even children who have suffered abuse from those who should care about them.
It's made me reflect on how we become the person we will be. Some of us are born with an easier path to achieving our potential than others, it seems. Some of the kids I've seen this week seem limited indeed in what they will ever be able to accomplish physically or intellectually in comparison to others. The thing is - we're all handicapped to a lesser or greater extent. I don't have a brain like Einstein, I can't run like Bolt; or create like Da Vinci. Though each of these people worked really hard on their accomplishments, I believe they were born with some ability in the area in which they excelled. No matter how hard I tried, it's unlikely that I could achieve the things they did. I'm limited by all sorts of human frailty. Einstein couldn't run like Bolt or create like Da Vinci, so he was also limited. He worked hard on what he was given - and in my mind, that is accomplishment right there.
On Monday night I went to Stratford to see David Tennant as Richard II. I love the theatre and Shakespeare more particularly. Throughout the performance they used mirrors and reflection. There is one point where Richard II has just given up the crown and he asks to use a looking glass:
Though Richard II is talking about his face and how sorrows don't appear to disfigure it, we shouldn't let the things we deal with disfigure our souls and take us from the path of getting to where we should go. Whoever we are and whatever our circumstances, we can remember that we are not going to be the same tomorrow as we are today and make our decisions accordingly. It's not about denying our limitations but it's about not letting what we are not define what we are. In the story of the ugly duckling, not being a duck was a great sorrow to the ugly duckling in the beginning. It was after a difficult struggle that he realised that his potential was more than he'd ever imagined he could be.
Children are born with potential; whatever their health and abilities are like. Also from Richard II:
Teach thy necessity to reason thus;
There is no virtue like necessity."
Clearly, it's everyone's wish to have a happy, healthy child. But sometimes I wonder whether the necessity that comes from caring for a disabled or ill child does bring something to life that has sweetness that couldn't be achieved without that circumstance. It creates people who are as kind, selfless and loving as some of the parents that I met this week. Through these circumstances children are born who are just as full of potential as other children; though the route to the fulfillment of that potential may be different. Children who can suffer and still smile are so inspiring to me. We can work to alleviate that burden and bless them and ourselves all at once. There's a mutual improvement and benefit to be had.
I wish the world were fairer, sometimes, but that's why I have to have faith in my Heavenly Father - that He really does know everything and can judge and reward fairly. I know things aren't equal in the lives we lead from day to day. From our earliest sparks of life we have strengths and weaknesses. But I do believe in a God that loves each one of us equally and the uneven distribution of trials is no reflection of his care but are, instead, a reflection of His wisdom and of His plan which means that it is not how many trials we overcome or even the magnitude, but the value of all of our life experiences and what we achieve in comparison with what we were given rather than in comparison with someone else. We aren't running the race to beat others but to do it in our personal best time.
This is all a bit serious and meandering... something to think about!
Maybe I should go and put some of this 'becoming better' into practice but making dinner for my husband - both a skill that I'm developing and an act of service that will hopefully make me a better person!
If nothing else, it will improve his opinion of me, I'm sure!
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