Our Brains Are Wired Differently! - Life Beyond Fairytales

It is always a subject of fascination to me; the difference between men and women.

It is evident in nearly every aspect of life and is a dominant theme in the media, with evidence of overwhelming stereotypes particularly displayed in movies and on the television.

Despite the fact that it is evident in these areas to some extent, still I feel that life doesn't really prepare you for the difference that will be overwhelmingly there in a marriage. Or maybe I just wasn't prepared for it.

Here's my latest confession: I'm a nag.
Not in the horse or missile sense (thanks wikipedia); but in the sense that I badger my poor husband to get things done, such as the following:

• Washing the dishes
• Putting the bins out
• Turning on the hot water on a night (I particularly whine when this is forgotten!)
• Setting the table
• Picking up clothes
• Putting the washing on
• Taking the washing out! (more of a problem!)
• Cooking
• Grocery shopping
• Putting windscreen wash in my car
• Recycling .....

...The list could go on and on!

When I envisaged the marriage that we would have did I imagine that 6 months down the line I would have to make such a confession? Did I imagine that I would be the bane of the life of my beloved companion?

No.

Quite simply, no.

So why am I now a nagging woman?

Here's my theory: all women are driven to nagging by a disposition on the 'Y' gene which unfortunately makes men blind to the list of jobs accumulating around them that someone in the household will have to do. Snow White, Princess Aurora and Cinderella met their Handsome Princes and road off into the sunset to a lovely castle, the cleanliness of which soon became a bone of contention between the newly-weds. At least Cinderella had had a change of scene!

Now I don't mean to say that Ben is lazy or incompetent. He works hard in every area of his life; at home, church and work. He's exceptional. So I do make exception for him!

My frustration comes when I am the chief planner in our home. Weekly meals, washing and making arrangements to see friends and family are all things Ben does and is capable of doing- if nudged! The problem I have is that my nudging became nagging. Sometimes I hear the list of instructions I fire out and I feel like the worst person in the universe. I hate to do it. I hate to constantly be asking things of him when I know he is working so hard. BUT the running of our home is something that I can't do without his input and I'm afraid that (evidentially) if I don't remind him or ask him it doesn't get done.

If I didn't know where my next meal was coming from, I would probably seek to work out what, when and how that was going to happen. For some reason, Ben seems to have the confidence that these things will appear. I suppose that's a compliment to me in some way. I've so far proved to be a competent magician of food and clean clothing.

I was flabbergasted and shocked yesterday when Ben said the words, "Would you mind putting on a dark load of washing today?" I wondered what precious item of clothing had prompted that request! It certainly came as a pleasant surprise and I realised that the gentle request probably had a much greater impact than a barked list of stressed-out orders would have.

So, once again, I have a need to follow my husband's example to save me from my state of nag-dom.

His brain may be wired differently but the intracacies of our interaction are what make life worthwhile. I don't know what I am teaching him but he is teaching me patience (A much-needed lesson!) amongst other important things.

Maybe he, through my example (if I set it!), can develop more initiative and I, through his, can develop more care and patience and less ability to be irritable.

The problem with fairytales is that the Prince and Princess are perfect molds for each other and everything in their life slips easily into place as though their relationship was designed by a deity intending to stamp out even the appearance of friction. Fortunately, our God has not created us without rough edges but has given us a way that our relationships can help us to smooth out the friction until we function and are both changed and better for it.

No marriage is perfect; but the best times are the moments when you are both trying, forgiving and acting to suit each other's best interests; including having masses of fun together.