Healing Light!

I honestly think I have Seasonal Affective Disorder. I'm miserable when the weather is rubbish and the sun recharges me! Today was my first 'free' day since the beginning of the exam period. I don't know for sure that it's all over yet (retakes...) but I've done all I can until I know if I have to revise again.

My S.A.D. is one of the reasons that I'm "a bit of a fixer upper".

I don't know why really but recently I've been thinking a lot about "fixing" people. Maybe it's something to do with the fact that I've just finished sitting my first-takes (and hopefully last!) of my medical school finals. 

There's something about having eyes on you evaluating every word you say, every move you make, that makes you feel quite analytical about life. 

Coupled with the "Fixer upper" song from 'Frozen' that I cannot get out of my head, it has led to interesting thoughts.

"Not that one again!"

There are a few things about having this song in my head that have been particularly trying. Mostly it's the fact that I'm not really sure of all the words so I end up repeating "He's a bit of a fix-er-up-per" on a loop. But I am very, very, very, very, very (you get the idea) grateful that the song in my head is no longer that darned "Let It Go". 

Yes, yes, it's great. Very catchy. But I have heard it enough times now that there is not a single youtube version of it that will make me laugh now. So don't try it. Please! (Though, if you're going to watch one this is my favourite). 

Moving on quickly! 

Being a fixer-upper

There's an interesting assertion at the end of this song. The weird-stone-troll things tell us "Everyone's a bit of a fixer-upper". Now that got me thinking. 

Is everyone a bit of a fixer-upper? 

Do I consider my spouse to be a bit of a fixer-upper? 

And do I consider myself a bit of a fixer-upper?

It's funny, really, because of cause we are all flawed. Apparently Kristoff's flaws include being "smelly", "socially impaired" and liking to "tinkle in the wood". Though I wouldn't like to own up to any of those things, I definitely am aware of flaws that I have.

Flaws are OK!

One of the things I was thinking about along my jaunt into nature today was how much love I've been shown: particularly through my exam period. I'm always amazed when people manage to lay aside the fact that sometimes they think I'm a complete muppet and help me.

My counselors in YWs have been amazing - as have the girls. I've been really disorganised and unhelpful and they have made up for all the areas in which I have lacked.

The Sister Missionaries called round today with cinnamon rolls that they made.

Yesterday I was sent a chilli plant by my best friend to celebrate my exams ending. It brought a bit of nature into my life that I love. I'm excited to see it grow and maybe even get to eat the produce!

My parents have fed me, put up with me and generally been their usual quietly supportive selves. I honestly don't think I could do anything without my mother!

And, of course, Ben was brilliant - especially at providing chocolate.

So - if I am, and everyone else is, "a bit of a fixer-upper", why do people provide so much help?  Well, my thought is that it's all because of love. Love cures it --- it doesn't get rid of the flaws, but it erases them in the mind of the person who really loves you. It doesn't stop them being aware that you're sometimes a disaster. It just causes it to pale in significance in comparison to the wonderful things about you.

Trials bring us closer

Is it weird that the guy Anna loves in the end of "Frozen" isn't the guy she's run around ivory towers with, but the guy she struggled with, soldiered on with; the guy who she saw in extremes and who saw her strengths and flaws? I can't help thinking that there's something really amazing about being able to love each other and serve each other when we're weak as well as when we're strong.

Sometimes it's the moments that we break down when people are able to feel closeness to us. There's a transparency that comes in trial where parts of our nature are exposed. Now, I'm not saying that those weaknesses and challenges should be loved and maintained. I think change is important. 

If flaws are OK... let's stay as we are! 

When Ben and I first got married I was anxious about changing my name. I wasn't really sure that I wanted to. The name "Mace" has served me so well! It was, to me, a tie to my wonderful and enormous paternal extended family! People at church events heard the name "Mace" and often asked, "are you related to...." and I loved being able to proudly tell them that I was.

I suppose now it's just strange to me that neither Mace or Warriner (my mother's maiden name) are my surname. Those are the family names I've loved and felt proud of as I grew up. I feel those ties to people I love which have grown even stronger as I've become more involved in Family History. I love those names. They are my blood names! 

Is it weird that as much as I loved being a Mace I now have an equal love for being a McKee? I don't have the same blood tie to it; but it's the name that's associated with my life with Ben. It's the name we share as we face the world together. I like being on this new team. I think it suits me.

I loved being Harriet Mace, and it was tough to change, but I'm grateful my fears of change didn't hold me back. 

Change... 

With all that in mind, I disagree with the little trolls when they say "people don't really change". People do really change. They can! It's one of the fundamental things that I believe in. However, they are right that it isn't a loving friend or family member that will change him. But, of course they have an impact.

"People make bad choices if they're mad or scared or stressed... 

But throw a little love their way and you'll bring out their best" 

 

I'm so grateful for the beautiful country I live in, for family members who throw love my way and love me through my hard times so that I can work towards the good, better and best times! 

See, a little sun and everything in life is so good!