Autumn Days

I love the colours of autumn. It's weird, but the burst of colour we get at the end of summer seems to signify new life for me even more than the buds of spring! I love it when the landscape is on fire with beautiful shades of warmth. It's the last show of hope and brightness before winter. 

During this month I've had some great experiences. Many of those experiences have made me think about the strength of womanhood. I feel like women add a lot of the warmth and colour to the world by our emotions and our capacity for great feeling and acting with compassion. One of the ways in which this is expressed is in motherhood. On my placement, recently, I got to attend the birth of a child. 

Many people make jokes about the process of bringing a child into this world - they talk about the pain, the lack of dignity and the awkwardness. Being a witness of the process just made me feel reverence and respect for the absolutely awesome (in the sense of filling me with awe) power and strength afforded to women. One of the doctors at the place I'm currently studying was telling us about the massive physiological changes that take place in a woman's body when she is pregnant adding: "And what does this prove? That they really are the stronger sex!" 

It feels really topical to be talking about the power of women at a time when self-proclaimed "feminists" are teaching girls the message that it somehow empowers them to be seen as objects of desire. Though I will always be a fan of the idea of making the most of one's appearance, I feel saddened by the idea that this should happen at the expense of dignity, integrity and a sense of self-worth. Making the most of ourselves doesn't mean giving ourselves away or feeling that the true essence of womanhood and its real glory lies in a shapely form or a flawless body. I would argue that the reality of womanhood has real roots in the ability to be the nurturing hand in the lives of children. While I realise that, unfortunately, not all women have the physical or mental capability of bearing a child of their own the importance of this role shouldn't be diminished. There's a beauty in motherhood that hugely surpasses the physical desirability of a woman. It's profound. 

There's so much potential. While I'm a keen advocate of female education and of reaching for the highest goals, I personally only see these goals as worthwhile as long as I can achieve them alongside success that occurs at home. 

"No other success can compensate for failure in the home" -David O. McKay 

Homes are made up of different elements. For me, home is my husband and the future family we wish to have. I am excited by the prospect of being a mother one day. I'm excited because I think it will stretch and mold me in a way that few other experiences could. I'm excited because I will, through that experience, learn more about my spouse and myself. I'm excited because I anticipate a greater understanding and relationship with Heavenly Father and His plan of creation. It's not something I anticipate happening "soon" - though who knows, right? Either way, it's definitely something I want rather than just something that might happen. I'm kind of sick of the fact that you can't really tell some  people that you want children without being seen as being a bit odd in some way. 

 And before you completely panic (Mom!), I'm still focusing on getting my degree. I'm working hard on that. I'm also working hard on being the best wife I can be. I just want to have both. And I don't think that being feminist is about denying either part of being a woman. Feminism to me is about embracing everything it means to be a woman. It means being allowed to be girly and expressing feminine elements of my personality without anyone judging those qualities against the stereotypical traits of men. Rather than breaking the boundaries, it's about refusing to allow the notion of boundaries to even exist so you don't have to act out in order to feel like you're "sticking it to the man". It's about allowing yourself to feel free by refusing to accept the idea that you're in some way restricted.

 Are there times when someone will say something sexist? Yes.

Do I get jokes thrown at me because I'm a married, mormon woman and I must be looking to have ten kids in the next five minutes? Yes.

It's my choice what to do with that. I can accept those things in good graces and continue to press forward with faith, believing in a God who knows my individuality and strengths and wants to help me become all I can be. Or I can start doubting myself and creating barriers around myself before I even face the decisions that will definitely come as I balance all the different bits that make up 'me'.

Most of all, I want to reach my absolute limits of being. I want to keep meeting people that amaze me, like the woman I saw this week with such joy on her face as she held her new-born child. I don't want to stop learning and whatever life throws at me, I know I will always have reasons to find out more than I knew before. There are times and seasons in life for different things and I'm grateful for that. You have to make the most of these Autumn days, even if you know that the leaves are ultimately all going to fall. It's the process of it all that is so beautiful and also so fleeting if you only focus on the winters and summers of life. Embracing change isn't always easy but it does always provide you with lessons and experiences and, I feel, the best of the colours and variety of life.

I wouldn't have it any other way!